Embracing Grief Series (4)

A major part of the confusing pieces of grief is emotional transparency; if someone is in a grief situation yet not emotionally transparent with God or with a support group or friend, other parts of life will be effected.  Case in point:  “Kanye West crashes VMA’s and Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech.” If you didn’t catch his Jay Leno apology click here to view it:

VIEW KANYE APOLOGY ON JAY LENO

Clearly, Kanye is still shook by his mother’s death, and clearly he is aware that he needs some time to properly grieve. Grief is something that needs time and attention, otherwise it WILL find its way to subtly creep up into your everyday life.  There are a variety of ways to embrace grief, but the most common and suggested piece is to open up emotionally with the Lord and with a group, friends, or family.  If that means to cry your eyes out for 2 weeks, then that MUST happen.

Just watching Kanye speechless when Leno asked about his mother’s reaction, really hit home because I can relate to his pain.  He was quite composed when put on the spot, but it’s still a tough road ahead of him if he doesn’t address it.

Please, pray for Kanye that he can build and grieve with people who genuinely care about him as a person and not him as a paycheck!

Embracing Grief Series (3)

cont…from Janet Eells

After the funeral is over and family and friends have gone, the reality of the loss begins to sink in, and one is overcome by waves of sadness and loneliness.  “I’m alone.  I’ll never see him again.  How can I possibly go on?”  Tears may come almost continuously or at unexpected moments when the realization becomes overwhelming.  Other emotions crowd in.  There is anger-anger at the doctors who failed to save the loved one, anger at others who still have their mates or children, anger at God for permitting such a thing to happen, anger at anyone who is around for anything at all.  For some the need to express anger is a consuming one; for others it plays a minor role, but usually it is present in some form or other.

tbc…

I remember feeling a rush of emotion that came streaming out of nowhere a few weeks after my loved one passed away.  It was a combination of guilt, anger, loneliness, confusion, and hopelessness.  However, as it came I embraced the flood of tears and cried out to God.  I told God everything I was feeling and thinking.  As the tears flowed, it was as if I was being cleansed and renewed, yet still grieving.  Please, don’t hold back or dodge the feelings you feel when they come.  The people of Israel grieved all the time.  As a matter of fact, they fasted and literally ripped their garments off during their grieving stages.  So cry like a baby, vent to a family member, friend, or pastor, and be open about your feelings.  Rap about it if you have to…whatever you do, don’t keep it in.

Embracing Grief Series (2)

cont…(from Janet Eells)

At first there is simply numbing shock and the denial that the loved one is really gone.  “No.  It can’t be true.”  Probably the shock and numbness carried you through the difficult days of the funeral when family and friends gathered around to help.  Their support was needed, for most of us were acting mechanically – going through the motions in a daze.  We probably were unable to drive safely, to make reasonable decisions, or sometimes even to take care of the simple necessities of living.  Or we may have appeared to be functioning calmly because full realization of the loss had not yet sunk in.  The numbed state may continue for days or weeks, but eventually it gives way to some kind of emotional release.  Finally you were able to cry if you had not done so before.   Those who are able to cry or whose families encourage them to do so are are fortunate.  One of the worst things a person can do is to urge a bereaved person to “be brave.” you have experienced a devastating loss and will never again be the same person you were before.  To deny the pain of this is to store up serious physical and emotional problems for the future.

tbc…

Please, if you know someone who lost a loved one, DO NOT try to give advice or explain away the tragedy.  Often times, things you think are appropriate to say like “Everything is going to be alright,” or “There’s a reason for everything,” are the last things the grieving want to hear.   A better way to approach the situation is simply to be present, or if you can’t, just let them know that you’re available.  Be a blessing by being there as a supporter not as a super Christian!  I’m sure your intention is genuine but at this stage it’ll be hard to decipher through to acknowledge it.

Embracing Grief Series (1)

I’m honored to share some thoughts on this topic for many reasons.  The most important however rests in the fact that there are many in our Christian hip hop community that have endured the loss of a loved one.  Consider this series nothing more than an extra resource support forum/blog to suggest some things while you’re walking through the process of grief.  As a disclaimer, I myself have lost many loved ones, all close to me, and all within a consecutive span of 4 years.  My posts are some of my personal thoughts, along with some reading excerpts that I’ve taken from the community that’s helped me walk through grief.  As a hip hop Christian community, let’s embrace this process together in the name of the healing power of God.

In Time of Grief (Janet Eells)

Many people each year go through the devastating experience of having a wife, a husband, a grandmother, or a child die, but it is different when it happens to you.  If you are like most people, you were totally unprepared and have still not recovered.  As a psychologist and a widow, I know how difficult it is to recover emotional balance following the death of a loved one, but perhaps a few suggestions may help.

Perhaps most important is the fact that it really helps to know about what kinds of feelings and experiences are “normal” or natural for a bereaved person to have.  Many have found their feelings so intense and their behavior so unlike their usual pattern that they have begun to doubt their own sanity.  It can be reassuring to discover that others are having similar difficulties and that much of what you are going through is a precictable reaction to a severe loss.  We who have suffered such a  loss may be expected to go through a number “grief stages” before recovering our emotional equilibrium.  We will probably never fully recover, but much can be done to make our lives more bearable and meaningful.

tbc…