StreetSermonz
12-18-2006, 12:29 PM
I gotta admit that this is difficult for me to explain, but I want to be transparant. I've been fighting anxiety attacks, it's like nothing I've ever experienced before. God is taking me through a lot of trials right now, and I praise Him for it all, but this one thing has been the biggest battle for me.
After church yesterday, there was an event and one of the leaders asked me to take pictures. I was on the stage taking pictures and all of the sudden my eye lid started to shake, then I started to sweat and I turned all red. Then extreme heaviness hit me and I felt like I was going to break down and cry. I could feel everybody staring at me and saw some people laughing in the congregation, I don't know if they were laughing at me - and they probably weren't, but this only made it more extreme. My heart wasn't racing, but I started to get real frustrated and pissed off and was praying and asking God what was going on with me?? Severe depression and suicidal thoughts always follow me after this happens, cuz I feel like I'm losing control. This has been happening to me every so often during the past 3 years in particular. It began to happen again just a minute ago at work while I was getting food in the kitchen and somebody jokingly said I was taking a lot of food. I don't know what to say fam, but this stronghold is going to be broken. There has been a lot of mental warfare lately, and this makes it seems like it's escalating. I'm seeking the LORD in what I should do. I'm trying to submit it to Him, but it's really taking it's toll on me.
If you feel led of the Holy Ghost please pray in agreement with me, I know I'm not in this alone and that is why I am sharing it on here.
Much Love.
- O
After church yesterday, there was an event and one of the leaders asked me to take pictures. I was on the stage taking pictures and all of the sudden my eye lid started to shake, then I started to sweat and I turned all red. Then extreme heaviness hit me and I felt like I was going to break down and cry. I could feel everybody staring at me and saw some people laughing in the congregation, I don't know if they were laughing at me - and they probably weren't, but this only made it more extreme. My heart wasn't racing, but I started to get real frustrated and pissed off and was praying and asking God what was going on with me?? Severe depression and suicidal thoughts always follow me after this happens, cuz I feel like I'm losing control. This has been happening to me every so often during the past 3 years in particular. It began to happen again just a minute ago at work while I was getting food in the kitchen and somebody jokingly said I was taking a lot of food. I don't know what to say fam, but this stronghold is going to be broken. There has been a lot of mental warfare lately, and this makes it seems like it's escalating. I'm seeking the LORD in what I should do. I'm trying to submit it to Him, but it's really taking it's toll on me.
If you feel led of the Holy Ghost please pray in agreement with me, I know I'm not in this alone and that is why I am sharing it on here.
Much Love.
- O