[article.] Watch, Wait, & Live

Published on December 21, 2012

DomesticViolenceImage MEMPHIS, TN (Aug 2012) – A man is behind bars accused of killing his estranged wife with a pocketknife.

LEWISBURG, TN (May 2012) -A Lewisburg man was arrested and jailed without bond on Sunday after his wife’s body was found in an outbuilding at their home.

ROCHESTER, N.Y. (Oct 2012) – Police say a New York man told them he “just snapped” and killed his girlfriend with his fists and a curling iron while visiting her college dorm last month.

According to a 2010 survey conducted by the Center of Disease Control one in 3 women (32.9%) has experienced physical violence by an intimate partner and nearly 1 in 10 (9.4%) has been raped by an intimate partner in her lifetime.

As a woman, these headlines and statistics frighten and anger me. Violence against women is present in every community, every ethnicity, and every socioeconomic status and as women, we must take measures to stay safe and ensure that are daughters do not fall victim to such viciousness.

“If any man lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5. God has not left us powerless or without help. We must use the wisdom and spiritual discernment endowed to us by our Creator to live peaceful and free. I believe there are three things we can do as women when we enter a relationship that could possibly help us avoid abuse.

WAIT:

Before you act on those warm and fuzzy feelings you believe to be love, take some time to ask yourself these three questions. What does this man bring to the relationship? How does this man treat the other women in his life (mother, sisters, aunts etc.) and what do you know about his past? Let God’s wisdom guide you and not your emotions.

WATCH:

Before you invite this man to encompass every aspect of your life, take some time to watch his actions. How does he handle conflict? How does he manage his emotions? What actions is he taking toward any future goals? Observe him in his environment among his friends and family…what is he really like.

LIVE:

Your life is worth more than a fleeting relationship. You are valuable and deserve to live without fear of being beaten, emotionally abused or murdered by the man who should love and protect you. Learn to value yourself and believe what God says about you by refusing to enter a relationship without seeking His guidance. Live out your God given purpose and trust Him to place the right people in your life at the right time.

For those women who have found themselves in an abusive relationship, I pray that you would trust God and get the help you need. There are numerous services available in your community that can help you break free, but most of all God will give you the strength and the courage you need. If you know a woman who is being abused pray for her, encourage her to get help, and be there when she needs your assistance. My prayer is for women to settle for nothing less than a healthy, respectful, non-violent relationship.

I am not writing this article to discourage or frighten you or to make men out to be evil abusers. I am writing this out of concern for my sisters who are being beaten, raped, and killed by their significant others. There are ways we can protect ourselves and help our brothers get the help they need in controlling their anger. To our brothers who value the women in their lives and take great measures to protect and provide for them, I say thank you for letting God frame your lives and for refusing to use your wife or girlfriend as your personal punching bag.
The Bible says when Adam first laid eyes on Eve, “Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Genesis 2:24-25.

You are valued by God and if the man in your life is committed to living according to God’s purpose and plan he will value you as well.

Check out these websites for more information.
 http://www.safehorizon.org/index.php
 http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/index.html
 http://peaceathome.com/